dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
