Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
