I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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