Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
