how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So much Jack, so little girl.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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