what day is it and did you see me today?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
