Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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