last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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