Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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