I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
