I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize