I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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