The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
