Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
this beer tastes like vomit already
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You made out with two different species that night
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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