I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
