I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
