This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
