that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
