goodnight i made you a song goodbye
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
