You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
