if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
