it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
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you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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