my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
