My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
