All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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