You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
