Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
