My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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