WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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