Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
