I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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