He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
