Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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