Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
