before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
