I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
