Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
