I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
