Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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