i think i have herpe
just one?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
