is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
