my soul wont recognize me after tonight
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
