I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm bleeding and have questions
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
