we're chasing vodka with high fives
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
even my farts smell like vagina
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
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He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
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I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother