I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.