it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated