Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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