Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?