Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.