If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!