I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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