I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
