rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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