i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
