i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
