Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
don't judge my taste in strippers
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
