can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
