I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
