You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
