as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
