we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
