I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
