that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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