can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
